I wasn’t the ideal. perhaps they needed to cover their blooper urgently so it was handover to me. 25 minues of training………..? God did i do the right thing? Help me.

Huggiz

This is not happening……………………

=(

This frame of thought has been on my mind recently on how we were never meant to walk through life alone. Its God intended possibly thinking back to the things i used to read. This new frame of top is definitely refreshing and does give me a new perspective. Life is not meant to be spent individually. Its meant to be shared. Its meant to bring reconciliation with everybody. Obviously this is just the positive side of things. There is a downside to it that obviously does not deserve too much attention to be concrete. At the end of the day, we do have to force ourselves to be positive and work out things accordingly whether someone is being a pain in the ass or not.

The recent events in life did help me  see certain things spiritually. And i have to say the good does come out of the bad actually. Its just a matter of time which is often trying. Btw i wish not to be too happy and dandy. There are still quite a few things on my mind that i need to work out in time. For now, its just one step at a time.

On another note, i have been reading blogs plus my own old posts on my present blog. And i have to say it does give an inviting feeling to return and share myself. I was in two minds about it. But as time passed, i do realise that writing does give me a leash of life and insight. Its one way i can sum up and one way i can realise. Obviously it gets a little challenging when someone i know, particularly my beloved bf reads my stuff. I do get insecure thoughts like what if he thinks i am all talk and know nuts. That was one of the deadful feeling that stops me sometimes. But at the end of the day, when i think about it. I realised that was quite a crazy thought somewhat and perhaps a good one in disguise cause it just brings me back to the credibility of how words matter much. No offense sweetheart. *HUGZ*

And also the joy of being able to open up and allow someone to read me up. R has been supportive and wonderful so far. So lets hope for the best aites. For now, i am lost on which blog i truly want to spend my time updating much. Its tricky having two but a comfort to just write without worry much. Perhaps two shall be interesting for now. The one that i invest most time in would probably be the one. So as they often relate, the best man wins! As for this, it would be the best blog wins!

God bless me! Cheeries!

Turning back to look at the mirror i would not accept otherwise.

What happened to sunshines?

Can you explain the sudden happenings?
Can you explain the sudden brokenness?
Can you explain the sudden trial?
Can you explain the sudden worth?

Did you not know the worth of my sense?
Did you not know the worth of my love?
Am i really that unworthy to have faced
pages of worthlessness?

Just a moment of love
With a great person that crossed me by
Making him a passer by would be out of question to my heart.
Why allow….?

Please take care of my heart
and the love that i found.
Let no harm befall
And if it does
Give me the strength
To survive.

Please don’t break my heart. :*(
Yet can i ever kid Ya?

Words can come across as careless whispers. Whispered just at the moment that feels magical. Yet the worth weighed low and faltering. Thats something where fondness does not apply to my world. I don’t want to feel a moment and express an extension without any riddle to know what is in the world. Many times when things are so good its so easy to forget the brokenness, the most important and the rational. We tend to overlook and float over the hard surfaces. Its hysterical when i think about it sometimes. The way the rythmn of love carries you over a moment and overcomes your many other moments. Writing this right now can’t help some silly giggly chuckles to escape me somehow. Its ironic how this chemistry in connection with love does weigh people over from behind. I find it a tickle. hahahaha…

Stucked in that moment i felt my world was going blur. My heart was in jumbles and my mind fixed on floaters. hahaha..It wasn’t as funny when i was stucked in the moment. It was alittle hard to pull over. It was alittle hard to control my fever. I was alittle all over love and i was going topsy turvy drunked in his shirt. I could not get enough of his fever. I wanted more to embrace my rhythm. I wanted more to drink close to his momentum. It was really a tiring, exciting yet funny moment. Funny in the way i felt like a high school girl being swept off her feet and having all her priorities jumbled up to even prosper. The big girl in me was trying hard to keep a hold on her. Yet the little one was too agile and strong for me to take over. I was pretty mulled over my season. Cupid’s arrow must surely be strucked with some secret crazy potion. lol…I was strucked in love. Unbelievable yet totally on top of the world. =P

I used to be a very precise girl. I have my list of wants and wanted. I have framed them within for many years. I go by ticks and approvals. I don’t really to take my own decision without any concrete reason. I had a plan for me that i thought would work. And i was also waiting on a plan that i placed many hopes that it will work. I believed in extra-ordinariness. What the world would not perceive as possible, i am aggressive enough to demand its not impossible. Things can happen!I don’t usually get over when i see a purpose. And all these years, i was working on that reason. As years passed by, the reasons started losing strength only to pull over. The seasons came in and out. The moments went in and parked. I walked along wishing within my heart. Soon things turned over. Things seemed able. I was pretty much disorientated as much as i hate to admit. Did not know what it or i was really worth. I went about the motion.

Soon after, connections started. And i ride along the rhythm. It does not seem to have a concrete answer. Disappointment did set in with wonder. Years passed and i grow older. I don’t just settle. I see practicality against wishes. I see reasons against momentum. There does not seem any way things are gonna jingle. I pulled over and stopped a moment. My bday passed and i decided. Its now or never. I was surprise by a few injections. I was surprise my heart was opening to another. Yet i was in great denial. My friend would happily declare the truth in my denial. She on the other hand was pretty much in favour of injecting predictions. lol..If the bet she made worked at that moment, she would be alittle richer. Bummer for her and smart me~ to be stubborn.. I saved alittle..hehehe.. Anyway what she insisted happened. My heart opened. I was attracted to another and was falling in love with another. =P Every part of me wanted to run away from it. I thought i was must be crazy to even think this kinda of rhythm. My road prolong. I was alittle irritated by the mindset of my friend that there is gonna be love involved with her teasing and my insistence that its not gonna happen. Life surprises. In your deepest moment, in your unexpected moments and in your most judgemental moments. Times that you never predicted happens only to pull you over and give you a reminder that things don’t always work to your agenda. =P i wonder when i forgot that fact in a moment. Too strong in my world i did not want another’s agenda. And true enough there is a time that proves me to not forgot whats real.

The emotions were running over. And the feeling increasing unexpectedly. Soon i faced the factor. Indeed i am interested and wanted another. I took a chance in expression to get me out of the rumble. And it became a union. Sighs..Seriously magical..this thing called love and how it comes in connection. Brings me back to how cupid actually works. its been a blessing beyond my own comprehension. My love is an extra ordinary person. He leaves me breathless..

Bringing back the old…  

Is that a wise idea ever?

I just brought back some things that i thought were irreversible. Reversible it became. It will bring joy to someone close. Somehow it left a weird dreadful feeling within me to behold. Question is: Do i really want to bring back the old?

Time has passed

So many things have taken place within this life

To look behind feels like asking for a moment to regret in time.

Yet thats just an idea in my mind.

I don’t think i am the same person i was as i was writing out those stuffs.

Thought i know her nature remains within her heart.

Weirdly, it brought uncomfort and does hurt much.

Question is: Why?

I’m taking the challenge up.

It’s not so much how many people read my blog i guess. It’s more on how i get to express myself. That one important aspect  that first kickstart my desire to write. Its been a great pleasure to my heart.   It’s a place of mine where i have my own mind. A certain kind of freedom that i feel each one of us need sometimes. The ability to just write whatever that your heart speaks out with a certain kind of flow that sometimes only bring understanding to your mind. But if there was anyone who stumbled, read ya stuff  and find some joy in sight. Thats a plus to my subconscious mind.

Things has been very topsy turvy as of late. I was not sure if my priorities were in top form. It was in fact all rolled up in a misty cloud. I was pretty caught up with many things. At the same time, anxiety was parked at the back of my mind. I miss my heart, my mind and my life. I guess it’s all in a measure of time before everything starts to run.

Certain thoughts and pokes were being triggered in my mind. People particularly and the treasure of love and respect they deserve. At times when we don’t do things right, we tend to shun the reality that lurks behind. We hide underneath it all and try to make excuses to what really is going on. And questions demand my answers at certain points. And this are moments that stops me in my tracks to know who i have been fooling all along. Perhaps this is not the way how things should go. Yet mistakes, failures or folly i guess is just a step towards discovering the right way to do things, approach things and so call work things. I am learning and have to confess and admit that am pretty lost about certain fields. I am not sure why i am keeping away some things. Perhaps i need to reevaluate certain things thought no excessively since it would be pretty unhealthy. Time seems to be the only tick that can predict my wish. I crave placings.

It is one thing to speak and express me yet it’s a totally different and more effective thing to write me. I see a future in it. And i like the fact that it works with me. I don’t really enjoy talking without being concrete. I give a care about what i see as i speak. And to just speak lavishly without accomplishing does worry me. I don’t like it. hehe.. The word is Learning…..I have a long way to go when it comes to this. But i am hungry to be such an individual whose words goes further than just the wind. At least that way, there is some concreteness people can hold on to when it comes to speech. Lets hope there will be a time for it.

There are totally a twirl of things that i have messed up recently. Lost my focus and tried to escape into another world forgetting the worth. I really hope there will be some mercy left for me to have been swept away by the winds. Reality does hold so much more taste to things. The efforts, the time, the feels, the waves of high and lows and most of all how people just don’t deserve your shit.  I feel like i am back to a world of mistiness that calls for some attention. Tell u something, i am trying to think positive. Leave it to me.

*sighs really.

It’s interesting when i think how being too sure of life or yourself can be alittle scary. Since i saw how the twirl of things does steal you completely leaving you hanging clueless about things. I guess it’s all about waking up from a dream.

Time does speak

And i do see how the mist is clearing.

Its coming.

Cheeries!

Gwen Stefani was on my mind today. A song i love of hers.